Category: monologue

monologue

What got me practice Tibetan Dream Yoga

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“Iguana bites those who don’t dream.”

– a man from “Waking Life”

 

Lately I often receive this question. Therefore, I decided to recap my thoughts.

1. Embracing death

Since my mid 20’s, I was keen to find a way of internalizing the notion of death, theoretically, emotionally, and physically. That intellectual curiosity became a fatal matter to me after dad’s death. I was immersed in a deep and stumbling exploration of death and life during the grieving and coping process . Tibetan Buddhism is one of few extraordinarily logical systemic (different from “realistic” or “viable”) methodologies that explicitly deal with death. Not all but many parts of the philosophy resonates me. I can easily relate to the world view that Tibetan Buddhism offers. Furthermore, I would like to cultivate capability of facing my own death, the art of dying. Tibetan Dream Yoga gives me a tangible technique for that. Every night, we are in a state as if we were dead. How to treat that state of mind and body and how to apply it to the time of our death?

2. Being in action for 24/7

Tibetan Buddhism utilizes the time of dream and sleep, in addition to the time we are awake, in order to optimize their practice. I hear that top-notch professionals and experts (e.g. musicians, athletes, dancers) spend in average 7 hours per day in practicing their skills. My instrument is neither a piano, a violin, nor a tennis racket. It’s my mind and body and its relationship. I want to excel at being connected to the consciousness and body all the time and expand the capacity. Why not practicing 24/7 as there is a method already!

3.  Sleep is the most stormy time

The more calm, aware, and alerted I became able to stay during day time owing to my practice of meditation, yoga, and intellectual and spiritual journeys, I noticed that I felt most exhausted right after sleep, that is, when I woke up in the morning. My karmic traits; fear, anxiety, concerns, anger, past memories, unconscious influences from internal and external worlds, innate body functions, etc. were unharnessed. The purification and detoxication happened during sleep, though it was nothing like nightmare or anything. More like a lot of hard core exercise done, my body sensed. My ability of being meditative and mindful was all gone during sleep, because I was asleep! How could I maintain it? In general, it’s considered to be impossible. But, hey! Tibetan Buddhism has developed a way of advancing dreaming and sleeping time.

Last year, finally, a serene pond of inner peace was discovered within myself. I know how to get there, as long as I’m awake and conscious. How wonderful it would be to take a a walk there while I sleep as well. I’m determined to become, “I’m asleep and yet conscious.”

 

 

 

 

方角

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人生をアートするとは、小説になるようなグラマラスな毎日を過ごすことではない。言われればすぐに普段の会話を即興パフォーマンスに変えることができる能力でもない。裏山に生えている草木がそのままで完璧な弧を描いているように、平原を駆け抜ける動物が持ちうるすべての力を漲らせているように、一瞬一瞬をあるがままに美しく、満ち足りた状態で、この星に命を受けた生き物の一つとしての本分をまっとうすることだ。社会というコンテクストにおいてミッションや役割を果たすのとは別のこと。

これまでアートする手段としてコミュニケーションを用いてきた。コミュニケーションのプロセスをデザインする。社会や組織から個々の人間関係まで含めた「人との関係性」において、頭に思い描く美しい線が描けるように、コミュニケーションの一筆一筆に意識してきた。何という文字を書くかではなく、筆の払いや墨の濃淡、文字の配置、呼吸との連動に心を配った。

最近はコミュニケーションはメインフォーカスではなくなってきている。死ぬまでずっと追求する題材だが、現時点での最重要モチーフではない。今は呼吸（身体）と意識が鍵だと思っている。コミュニケーションプロセスデザインの定義として、「生まれてから死ぬまで、呼吸のように止むこと無く続けるコミュニケーションは、呼吸と同様に私たちの生存に不可欠に違いない」と謳ってきたが、比喩ではなく実際に自分が働きかける対象が呼吸になった。いずれにせよ、人間が生きているあいだ絶え間なく取り組んでいるものに関心があるようだ。

また、コミュニケーションプロセスデザインではこう書いた。「コミュニケーションは他の生き物とだけではなく、自分自身とも行う。寝ている間でさえ夢を通じてコミュニケーションをする。」今、私は夢という領域へ意識を拡げ始めている。夢の中でもクリアな意識を保ち、起きている時の意識と夢の時の意識の地平を繋げる練習だ。呼吸と夢が数年後になってクローズアップされてきている。とても面白い一致だと思った。

寝ていようが起きていようが、考え事に没頭していようが本を読んでいようが誰かと話していようが、絶え間なく流れる意識の川。しかし私たちは多くの時間、意識の川から離れて岸に上がっている。岸どころか、丘の上までハイキングに行ったり、そこからハングライダーで空を飛んだりしている。自分のそのときそのときの状況、状態を明快に掴みながら１秒１秒進んでいくのは至難の業。

それでも、私は意識の地平の向こうが見たい。冒険家が8000メートルを超える霊峰の頂きや真っ黒い不気味な海底を目指すように。科学者が11次元の世界を仮定するように。そして、人生をアートするために、一瞬一瞬をあるがままに美しく、満ち足りた状態で、この星に命を受けた生き物の一つとしての本分をまっとうするために、重要なthe art （技）となると感じている。

起きている時間と寝ている時間の呼吸と意識の探求。しっかりとこれに従事できる生活環境をさらに整えていくことが２年目だ。この核さえあれば、それ以外は私を求めるところへ赴いて、提供できるものを提供していければいいなと思う。

 

Sounds of the Living

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Strolling in a whirling wind.

Contemplating on a whirling mind

I know why I fell for this city.

Straining my ears to the surrounding.

I know how I fell for this city.

Dazzling sounds of the living.

I fell in love with the tunes he played.

Passion

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I’m not paid for institutional or organizational purposes that make sense within the current socio-economic systems.

Money is bestowed to me for existential purposes by people who see the similar world in front of us.

Spent one year exploring a totally new field, I clearly know to what I want to devote my time and space. I will pour my heart into an endeavor to find out what human consciousness is and what capacity it has in relation to the body. I will elucidate what influences would be made on our society and relationships by expanding capacity of human mind. I practice widening the horizon of consciousness through staying awake in a dream and a day. I continue to breathe in and out with awareness. I let go off what’s happening that shifts immediately into the past and stay alerted to the presence. I cherish peace and silence within me without leaning to the others or objects. I’ve attained a peak of contentment and happiness as Naho Iguchi, whose life reaches 34 years.  From now on, I will even more vigorously dedicate my spirit to the process and shape my daily life around that. This is my passion.

I strive to reveal a new form, or “unform,” of art so as to make one’s life, one’s existence, one’s presence a piece of art, because I have a question to the world, can we stay alive, can we be a part of the complexity of the planet and universe, without claiming what our visions are for the future and what we intend to accomplish, without presenting how valuable ideas we have and what meaningful actions we take,  without proving what talents, power, and competencies we have, without justifying why we are who we are.

I hope to be simply alive. I am life. Fulfillment for dying. Everything ceases at the end.

How can I make a breathe, a glance, a stride of my feet, always connected to my artistic crystallization (I don’t use the word, expression because I’m no longer sure if “expressing thoughts and feelings” is the right word to me”) ? How can I be art? Crystallization is a chemical reaction in which a solution or gas becomes a solid crystal. A paradox is that I honestly want to keep a solution or gas as it is, while “art” asks me (and every artist)  to deliver something crystalized, visible, sensible, tangible, and meaningful.

I still have fear and anxiety for money (= the near future) and the way of sustaining my life. The fear doesn’t go away completely. I have no clue how my art-life in Berlin will go.  At the end, however, I don’t know if the fear stems from anxiety for running out of the financial source or not. Am I afraid of the shortage of money? What is it really? I’m very sad when I imagine a situation where my life in Berlin suddenly ends. I have love for the city. I’m building affection and attachment to my living in Berlin. I’m cultivating new soil to be rooted here. Vibration that the city has matches my life phase, what my body and heart want in order to spend each and every moment in happiness, tranquility, and awe for the world. But, this will end sooner or later. Everything ceases eventually. Materials are to be worn down. Occurrences are to begin and end. Am I afraid of losing my life here? No, I’m not but simply sad. It’s truly sad to lose something or someone you are fond of and intensely connected to. Regardless of my feelings, however, things happen. I would be ok when I lose my life here, as long as I stay alive, or I have life. Sadness will be appeased. Most importantly, I’m not losing it  now but perfectly in it!

I’m determined to pursue this journey, following my passion. The path will unfold by itself. The fear and anxiety for my future money and future sustainable life can get in a way and makes me blind and deaf for a few minutes, but they are at last passers-by. I will keep a trial and error of circulating energy with my beloved people and make my life art.

chrysalis

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Is a caterpillar aware of when it ends its chrysalis and metamorphoses into a butterfly? Does it recognize “I’m not what I’m used to be but a butterfly”?

Rainbow

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A long deep dive took me
to profoundness of the inner ocean
that I’ve never touched yet since birth.
Dim and distant.
Thick and transparent.
Serene and surged blue.
Indiscernible and sensible.
Focus blurs.
What is in it is covered unknown.
The substantial amount of energy of heat and light is buried.
The rainbow is sound asleep on the seabed.

 

生まれてからまだ一度も触れたことのない、
私の中の深海に潜ることができた。
闇の濃い、でも透明な、深い蒼。
ぼんやりと視界は定まらず、
手で触れることもできない。
でも気配を感じる。
そこに何があるかはまだわからない。
膨大な量の熱と光のエネルギーが埋まっている。
虹は海底に眠っている。

Living in it. Living with it.

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I’m not “anti” anything. My attempt is to set a new measurement that is feasible, relevant, and rational in the current and future capitalistic market. I intend to shift psychological meanings, or values, attached to money, peel off unnecessary connotations and reduce it to the simplest form as it used to be when it was first invented. That is my life in Berlin. A beloved art piece.

The monetary economy is a well-made system that has been applied for hundreds and thousands years. A newer theory than Capitalism hasn’t been addressed yet. It will take a while to develop an alternative one that could take over Capitalism. We are still stumbling.

Neither do I think that it’s realistic to generate a whole new paradigmatic theory of economics in a few years, nor that it meets my philosophical stance to be emotionally and mindlessly polarize myself as “anti.” Hence,  in the monetary economic society, I’m trying to create a “microcosmos” where money is ran in a paradigmatically different way. The theme is to, within the current system. yield another “energetic” dimension in which people employ energy (capital and other resources, goods, and materials such as fuel, merchandise, knowledge, data, etc.) differently from what we normally know and blindly believe to be the only way. No opposition to money since it benefits me in various situations.

Rejecting or denying merely one side doesn’t lead a change. Dichotomous entities exhaust themselves and energy disperse. Instead of being against, preaching the contrary theory and accusing the current system, I construct hypotheses, carry out experiments for verification, and actualize what’s in my head, like architects build architectures based on imagination in their mind.

I am a cat. As yet I have no name.

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我輩は猫である。名前はまだない。

名前はまだつけてくれないが、欲をいっても際限がないから生涯この教師の家で無名の猫で終るつもりだ。

 

ー夏目漱石『吾輩は猫である』

A wound of being oneself.

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Everybody has a wound of being oneself. It drives us nuts. Recurring questions echo in the ears over and over. Why am I like this? Is this right? Where does this come from? Emotions? Logic? or Soul? Can I believe what I’m being driven to do? Am I stuck or in progress? Am I repeating the same shit or is this something that I should follow? Should I get along with my Karma or change and eliminate it? Do I want to liberate from it or still playing around with it? Is it precious? Is it worthy? Is it something indispensable of me or must I let it go off?

There is indeed an addictive element of sticking in the mud, isn’t there?

No answer to any of these questions.

No answer is good!

 

対角線-diagonal-

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A diagonal is drawn. From the top of the head to the tip of the tow. From the upper left side to the lower right side of the body. The head, face, neck, shoulder, arm, wrist, hand, fingers, underarm, chest, back, belly, waist, hip, thigh, knee, calf, ankle, and  foot. The hidden inner line crosses me at the center. The left upper side of my body is bent and meets the right leg, touching together. The forehead rests on the knee. Throughout my body, the diagonal line surfaces and connects two disconnected areas: the upper part and lower part; the left side and the right side. When the line starts to run and gains awareness around, an indescribable sensation arouses from the core.  I fold the body. The chest sits on the straightened right leg, and I hug it with my lengthened arms. Energy flows from the right tow to the heart, and continues to rise up to the head. Tears gather into my eyes.