Tag: 死生観

死を語る

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いざ死ぬとなったら平静でいられないのはわかっているけれど、これまで死を自我に内包せんと全身全霊やってきたので、それなりに満足のいく距離まで近づけている。

私個人的には、自分がどのように死んでも後悔しないし、死のプロセスに入った時に（それが瞬間的で準備ができないものだとしても）なるべく恐れずpeaceful mindに繋がっていられるよう訓練してきているので、例えどんな死に方だとしても家族や友人には、死に方にまつわる変なストーリーを後からくっつけて、やれ悲劇だ可哀想だ、いやいやよく頑張ってあの人らしかったなど言わないで欲しい。後悔も納得もしないで欲しいと思う。

病気に事故に自殺に他殺に、disabledになって死んだも同然になったり行方がわからなくなったり。自分がどのような最期を遂げるか、いろんな死に方を日々想像する。でも、自分の思想哲学を毎分毎秒の行動や有り様に反映させる「人生をアートする」生き方を地味〜にやってきて、この命にとことん満足しているから（すべての願いや欲望は叶っていなくとも、それは満足と相反しない）、どんな死に方でもあまり変わらないなと感じるようになってきた。どのように死のうともあまり関係ないのだ。

死のプロセスは長くて数年を要するだろう。でも、それで残りの生きてきた十数年、何十年の人生を全部ひっくるめて語られたらたまったもんじゃない。人間は、他者の死に際して自分の悲しみや喪失と折り合いをつけるために、「この人の最期はこれこれこうでこうだった」みたいに意味やストーリーをあてがって治癒するわけだけど。死にひっぱられて残りの人生をさくっと記号化するなんてないよなー。

今死ぬのと２０年後に死ぬのと、どれくらいの違いがあるのだろうと素直に考えてしまう節がある。決して他者には抱かない問いかけなのだけど。だって、私は他者の命（の長さや質量）に言葉を挟んだり影響を与える立場ではないから。あくまで自分の話だけ。死にたい願望なんてないし、生きることは素敵だ。もうしばらくは生きているだろうと漠然と考える無意識の私は確実に存在する。「しばらく」が数週間なのか５０年なのかはわからない。でも、今夜ではなさそうだとは思っている。今夜の可能性だってあるのにね。

何が言いたいのかはよくわからないけど、ほんとにね、至高を体験してきているんだよね。特にベルリンに移住して、１００％自分の哲学をひたすら毎日実践する暮らし方に持っていってから。そうすると、動物の持つ純粋な死への本能的恐怖に従っていられるようになって、そうすると不思議と人間社会の人間意識が構築するたくさんの恐怖が減っていっている。己の死を語ることも、その一つかもしれない。

 

 

A new ingredient

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A friend of mine who follows trends of IT over 20 years visited Berlin to cover IFA as a press. (IFA=the German biggest trade show for consumer electronic products) As her interpreter, I joined her in the mega event at ICC Berlin. Coincidentally I got to see TEDxBerlin since IFA collaborated with TEDxBerlin. I met her at Betahaus, a co-working place in Berlin. As soon as we gladly hugged for our reunion, we jumped in our conversation as we had much to catch up.

Two years and three months of my Berlin life. It’s an expedition of the human consciousness and the body. It enables me to re-discover the intuitive, intrinsic, and simple side of a human animal who is freer from patterns and habits that s/he unconsciously and blindly acquires as growing in societies and organizations.

We humans and many other species whose intelligence and consciousness are capable of choice and judgement make a decision at every moment. Our life consists of an accumulation of decisions. Without choices and decisions, no life survives nor evolves. A decision-making behavior and energy consumed for it is like a “quantum” (=the minimum unit of any physical entity involved in an interaction) of sentient beings.

I practice in tuning up and refining the body, brain, cognitive process, perception, sensual faculties and energy flow. With the attuned eyes, I observe my decision-making process to grasp the essence of human decision-making process. The more conscious I become of factors that influence the decision-making process, the more reductive it becomes. Less and less grey clouds of miscellaneous thoughts. More and more simplified games of random emotions. My decision-making process comes to have less choices but more certainty.

The exploration of the human animal goes further. I make progress and move forward during the waking time. What about while I sleep? Do I make a decision during my dream? Where does my consciousness go? Why do we lose our consciousness over and over, again and again, every night? Losing the conscious is like a little death. (and yes, la petite mort is another virtual dying experience!) As a result, I practice the Tibetan Dream Yoga, which I believe is the key to decode the enigma of the human consciousness, body, dream, sleep, and death.

The pursuit for finding out the essence of the human animal leads me to another realization. Why do we not communicate with the other animals more frequently on a regular basis? Majority of animals are domesticated ones around us. I would like to contact to more diverse wild ones. They co-live and fight against each other, while the human animal is secluded way too far.

My friend attentively listened to my words and displayed an amused expression on the face. She wasn’t reserved to show her surprise. “That’s exactly the same as what scientists who do research on Singularity want to investigate.”  She lately interviewed Japanese top scientists and engineers in the Singularity field.  “This is so interesting!” said she. It was totally out of the blue to me as well, because Singularity didn’t attract my attention at all until this moment. My attitude toward it was “none of my business.” I’m not techy IT savvy. but more fascinated with sentient beings of the analog physical world. Moreover, the theme of TEDxBerlin was “exponential change,” all about Singularity. A title of a book that she happened to bring with her in the airplane was”The Problem of 2045.”  Now I’m reading the book that she gave me. “This synchronicity is something. Why don’t you read it?”

In my theory, the human body must evolve drastically in oder for the human consciousness to advance deeper. Why? Because the brain, body, and consciousness are interconnected. It’s said that genetics of Homo Sapience have remained the same for the past 50,000 years at least. Biologically we haven’t changed for that long time. If the container is the same, how can only the consciousness and mind transform? I suppose there is a physical limitation to a paradigm shift. Therefore, the extension of human body such as technology and media is a huge potential. Needless to say, we have to discuss agenda in bioethics and philosophy. But, I think we can expect positive outcomes as much as fatal risks. Otherwise, growth of  the human consciousness will be stagnant, I guess. (this is where we are now?)

Such an ancient practice as yoga and meditation is the art of transforming the physical body on our own. However, this approach isn’t for everybody. A wide variety of approaches should be available. Hence, it’s relevant that genetic engineering, nanotechnology, and biohacking develop rapidly.

The exponential change of technology might accelerate the gap between the human consciousness and the extended human body, and yield even more disasters. Some Singularity scientists warn it. Nonetheless, I think there is probably another path. Breakthrough because of maturity of the extension of the human body.

I got a new ingredient to cook in my tray: Singularity.

The new land

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I used to think that no sound should echo to avoid imbalance in silence.
I used to imagine that peace had no scars of resentment and misery but would be filled only with brilliant light.

In reality, however, dark clammy shades of coiled despair and desires are blended with a ray of delicate sunlight shedding in-between space of tender petals of Ranunculus.
Like the Yin-Yan symbol, the completely opposite colors melt into each other. Harmony, instead of eradication.

A frequency of pains which I’ve devastatingly tried to tune out synchronizes with that of peace.
I enter into a place I’ve ever wished for. I’m becoming who I’ve envisioned.
Though it is beyond my anticipation, I know this is it upon the first step into the land.

Sadness never disappears even if it appears to be cured. The same volume of anguish as it was before swallows me.
But, it isn’t as heavy as before. I’m sad, yet it no longer belongs to the same pains. I cry from the new land.

If it is as it is, then.

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Sayonara. Good bye. Auf Wiedersehen.

Initially I chose not to say “sayonara,” which means “so long good bye.” Instead, I rephrased to “Auf Wiedersehen.” It’s tenderer because it explicitly premises the next chance. At least it contains your wish to have another one. Or your world stays to the extend where the possibility still exists (regardless of “the fact”.) Au revoir and 再見 as well. Goodbye and adiós connote religious values.

Sayonara comes from a completely different angle compared to those above. Literally, sayonara originally/formally writes “sayou nara,” which means “if it is as it is, then.” You don’t sentimentally wish for another chance, but accept as is and depart.

At the end, sayonara was the right word.

越境と内包

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人生をアートする。

長い歴史の中で形成された社会の仕組みと文化の表象。
目には見えないけれど確固として存在する無数の境界線。
越えやすいものもあれば、越えにくいものもある。

国境。民族性。国籍。言語。
法律。政治。規約。社会規範。
水平線。大気圏。標高。
家族。友人知人。会社。学校。知らない人たち。

越境する。

ある3つの事に対して私は特に意図的に関わってきた。
3つとは、金、性、死。
人間生活に深く楔を打たれ、避けることはできない事象。
にもかかわらず、多くの社会でベールに覆われ、語られることが少ない。
日本に限らず、お金、性、死にまつわることは、身内(personal)か外(public)かの境界線がはっきりと敷かれ、
外とは共有されることはあまりない。恥、罪、忌み、恐れの念がねっとりとまとわりつく。

お金、性、死の輪郭線を引き直すことで自己の領域を広げ、
「他」や「外」との新しい関係を見出していく。
お金／性／死と自分の関係。
お金／性／死を通じた私と家族の関係。
お金／性／死を通じた私と友人知人の関係。

越境し、内包する。

お金がないと不安だから不安を減らすために増やす、
お金が増えていくと気持ちいいから増やす、
ではないお金の巡り方。

性について表現し、欲求を満たそうとするのは恥であり卑しいから
外に見せるのは怖いけれど欲求は現に存在する。
だから抑圧するか隠すか攻撃する、あるいは逆に肥大化させて貪る、溺れる、盲目となる、
ではない性の表現。

死が日常に転がっているのは辛く哀しく怖ろしく忌み嫌うべきものだから
直接取り扱わなくてよいように生活スタイルや意識から切り離す、
扱い方がわからないから死を濫用する、
ではない死との向き合い方。

嫌だという心理(aversion)と快感(pleasure)に執着することによって回転するカルマの歯車。

歯車を外し、流れを生もう。
私を通過していく沢山のものものから作られるエネルギー。
それがお金であり、性の顕現であり、死への道のり。

What is your art? – A trial of responding to the question.

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A general definition of art premises that art is to be seen (heard, or touched). In order to see, a product or an object is required. On the contrary, my art has no product or tangible object to show. My art is a process. Neither have I things to show nor exhibit in a gallery, though 95% of people ask me, “how do you display your art?”  “how do you track your art?” “ This is yet to be answered. What is a verb to materialize an ongoing day-to-day process that cannot be captured but flows away in a river of time? What is a verb to make an invisible, untouchable process tangible? If I discover the verb, it would make my communication to the others easier. I may know a possible verb: “to live with.” The only way of appreciating my art is to enter into it.

My definition of community is that “people are loosely connected beyond chronological and geographical distances and yet involved in one another’s decision-making process at a turning point in their lives.” I launched and developed many communities. Not all of them meet the definition. Some remain a cliche “community” in a broader sense. A “team” formed to achieve a goal of a project or business isn’t a community.

Therefore, I designed a framework where my friends and people could knock on a door and step into my life. That is, “life with.” They become a participant of my process. Becoming an actor in it is the quickest way of appreciating my art.

My art consists of multiple facets of social experimentations. Although it’s complex, I’m going to give it a try to dissect it and answer to a frequently question, “What’s your art?”

  1. Experiment in community:

I shape a new community that is the closest to the community by my definition. My community members are loosely connected to one another beyond chronological, geographical, and mental distances. Nevertheless, they will possibly get involved in one another’s critical decision-making process at a turning point in their lives.

2. Experiment in money as energy, currency:

Shifting numerous psychological meanings and connotations attached to money. Opening an alternative channel in which money is dealt differently from the conventional measurement in the capitalistic market (i.e. the equivalent exchange system of labor, socially value-added, and money). Instead, this is an experiment to exchange money with love, trust, and generosity without return, responsibility, obligation, and power dynamics that the money-goods exchange usually causes.

3. Experiment in a working style

Working is living by my definition. To work doesn’t necessarily mean that you are paid. Paid or unpaid? Employed or unemployed? Under contract or under the table? Enough to cover rent and bills or do I have to cover from my own pocket? Such a criteria for choosing a job and everyday behavior is based on the equal (value) exchange system between money and labor. I think and act out of that box. On the other hand, I don’t go for the “without money” thingy. Being anti is not my stuff. I make a decision on my work by fully (at least learning to) optimizing all the data that I can acquire, from scientific hard data and numbers to movement of spirits in elements. As a result, my decision-making process and motivations for actions are more likely different from general human behaviors in the current capitalistic society. Apparently, money influences less my everyday life choices. I expand my capacity to access as much available data as possible in the universe.

4. Experiment in the relation between the body and the mind

Through self-observation, I elucidate a link between the body and the consciousness. Interactions of the two affect which words I choose and which behaviors I select in my daily life. I carefully monitor and analyze differences in physical, physiological, psychological, mental, and cultural influences.

5. Search for the intrinsic nature of human being, as an animal species

What is wildness, instinct, and intuition? What is innately given potential in humans? I discover answers to those questions by being attentive to the finest subtleties of humans’ trivial actions, instead of being engaged in so-called “wild” and “physical” activities such as sports, athletics, and outdoors. The human physicality and intuitions are not limited to a self-sufficient life in countrysides or farming or hunting in woods. Humans use their bodies 24/7 regardless of a kind of activity. We use our bodies during sleep and brain math problems. Athletes and explorers aren’t the only wild and intuitive humans. How can I tap into human wildness and intuitions, which is largely dormant within my body in the post-modern highly developed society?

6. Creating the view on death and life

I internalize my own death and prepare for it intentionally. But, I don’t live with the “If I should die tomorrow” concept. Neither does it please me nor make sense to me. I prefer not living desperately for my life everyday, as if it would end tomorrow. Death is always here. Never leave us alone since our birth. I see it as a positive phenomenon. There is always a possibility where we become the Schrödinger’s cat ourselves in a second. We are walking towards death. To live is to be dying. The first step towards death is taken much earlier than when we recognize it. How do I ready myself for death? I want to grasp the moment of death, be alerted and conscious of death, accept it, and become it. I have no clue how I would die. A disease? An accident? A murder? A suicide? No matter what, I prepare for it every single day, by staying clear and aware of my true nature as a human animal. That’s why I practice Tibetan Bön (Buddhism) dream yoga.

7. Making my life a piece of art (this is the foundation of all my activities)

We generate ideas, expectations, and wishes to our society constantly.  “What if we had such and such a society?” “What if we could do this and that?“  “That would be much more fun than what it is now!”  These ideas formulate ideal views on our life and world. My art is to actualize the ideas. I live up to my philosophy in daily life. It’s the same as painting, building a sculpture, or making a movie. I just don’t utilize a secondary medium in order to crystalize my philosophy. My medium is my everyday life. I don’t attach much importance to “to show” and “to exhibit” my art to the others. It may not be easy for them to comprehend it as art. You can’t see, hear, or touch it as an object. But, I receive money and make my living out of this art (cf. see above: experiment in money as energy and currency). How to breathe, how to walk, how to encounter people, how to choose every and each behavior, how to sustain my life financially, socially, and psychologically, and how to spend every second. In order to make my life a piece of art, it is essential that my body, mind, and soul are always together and that my mind and soul reside in the body happily and consistently. This is the clarity of consciousness. I practice to attain the state of mind by Tibetan dream yoga, which encompasses all levels of consciousness; waking, dreaming, sleeping, and dying.

私のアート作品の説明を試みてみます

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（少なくとも現代の一般的な）Artの概念、定義にはto see（to be seen)がデフォルトで入っている。To see には何らかのproduct（見る、触れる、鑑賞する対象）が必要になる。私のArtはprocessなので、 processを顕在化させる動詞はなんだろうか。それが明確になれば、コミュニケーションがもっと容易になるだろう。

それはやはり、to live with なのかもしれない。processの中に一緒に入ってもらうしかないのだ。私のコミュニティの定義は「人生の大事な意思決定に何らかの関わりを持つ間柄の人たちが、時間・地理的距離感を越えてゆるやかに繋がっている」だ。これまで沢山のコミュニティをローンチし、デザインし、育ててきたが、プロジェクトやビジネスを達成する「チーム」のままでいてはこの定義を満たすコミュニティにはならない。

だから、生きること、命に関わることに入ってきてもらう枠組みを作ってベルリンにやってきた。それは “life with”だ。Processの参加者、役者になってもらうことがartを鑑賞・堪能することにもなる。そういうArt 。コミュニティとは生きる舞台か。

そして人からの質問に答えるためには、今、実験している多面的なことを一つ一つの面に分解して説明することが避けられない。そう、説明しないといけないのだ。しょっちゅう遭遇するので観念してロジカルに整理し始めてみようと思う。これは試みの第1回です。

その面とは、

【コミュニティ実験】これまで育ててきた数々のコミュニティが浮遊するエコシステムの中で、自分の定義するコミュニティに近づける実験

【お金の実験】資本主義社会の中でお金の意味や価値を変え、市場で換算される労働的価値や社会的付加価値とは違う尺度でお金が流れる、すなわち愛、信頼、寛容さ(love, trust, generosity)によってお金がやり取りされる実験

【働き方の実験】自分の定義する働く、to work, zu arbeiten を実行する。paid or unpaid?  employed or unemployed/under contract or without contract?  enough to pay rent and bills or not enough?  といった基準から賃金との交換で働くのではないやり方。かといって、”without money” というアンチ資本主義ではなく、意思決定方法、物事への動機、思考・行動パターンが従来の資本主義経済での一般的人間行動とは違った形で「働き方」や「仕事」を、一瞬一瞬身体が受け取るあらゆる情報エネルギー（科学的データからスピリットの動きまで）をフル活用して選び取っていく。それは波に乗るのと非常に似ている。

【身体と意識の実験】身体と意識がどのように連動し、日々の一つ一つの言動に作用しているか自己観察によって精細に学ぶ。物理的、肉体的、心理的、精神的、文化的な影響を見る。

【人間の動物としての本来性の発見】人間の野生、本能、直観、もともと備わる自然の力とは何かを、スポーツやアウトドアなどいわゆる「動物的」と言われることからではなく、常日頃の当たり前の何気ない行動の機微を極めていくことで探る。なぜなら四六時中、人間は肉体を使って何かをしているのであり（休憩や睡眠、あるいは計算や思考といった頭脳を使う活動を含め）、単純にアスリートだけがより動物的なわけではないからだ。都会に住み今の時代の生活の中で、それでも動物的であることとは何か？

【死生観の構築】私は死を自己内包し、死に向かって準備をしながら生きている。準備の仕方は「明日死ぬかもしれないから今日を大切に力いっぱい生きよう」ではない。これは暑苦しくてむしろ嫌いな考え方。そうではなく、死はすべての命に常に存在している１００％の事象だということ（だからシュレディンガーの確率論とはちょっと違う）。私たちは死に向かって生きている。生きることと死にいくことはイコールだ。病気が顕在化してからが死への第1歩ではない。毎日の中で死への準備をするとは、この体が病気か事故か殺人か自殺か何で終わるかわからないが、なんにせよ終わる時に、死の瞬間を意識が捉え、受け入れ、死と合一することだ。そのために今はチベットのボン教及び仏教に伝わるドリームヨーガをやっている

【人生をアート作品とする試み】頭の中に浮かぶアイディア。「こういう社会がいいな」「こういう世界がいいな」「もっとこうしたらいいのに」「こういうことってできるんじゃない？」自分の思想、価値観、世界観を毎日の暮らしにおいて実行、体現するのが私のアート。絵を描いたり、彫刻を作ったり、映画を撮るのと結局は一緒です。自分の哲学を表現すること。私のメディアは私の毎日の人生。「見せる」「発表する」ことに重きを置いてないので、従来のアートとは違うかもしれませんが、いちようそのアートでお金を集めて生活してます（上記のお金の実験）。どうやって呼吸して、どうやって歩いて、どうやって人と出会って、どうやって一つ一つの行動を選択して、どうやって生活を成り立たせて、どうやって毎分毎分、毎秒毎秒を過ごしているか。人生をアート作品とするには、意識が常に覚醒していること、身体と意識と魂が常に一致して、この身体の中に宿っていることが大事だと思っているので、毎日その練習をします。練習方法は今はチベタンドリームヨーガです。なぜなら、夢見ている間、寝ている間の身体と意識も取り扱っている体系化された理論だからです。

What got me practice Tibetan Dream Yoga

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“Iguana bites those who don’t dream.”

– a man from “Waking Life”

 

Lately I often receive this question. Therefore, I decided to recap my thoughts.

1. Embracing death

Since my mid 20’s, I was keen to find a way of internalizing the notion of death, theoretically, emotionally, and physically. That intellectual curiosity became a fatal matter to me after dad’s death. I was immersed in a deep and stumbling exploration of death and life during the grieving and coping process . Tibetan Buddhism is one of few extraordinarily logical systemic (different from “realistic” or “viable”) methodologies that explicitly deal with death. Not all but many parts of the philosophy resonates me. I can easily relate to the world view that Tibetan Buddhism offers. Furthermore, I would like to cultivate capability of facing my own death, the art of dying. Tibetan Dream Yoga gives me a tangible technique for that. Every night, we are in a state as if we were dead. How to treat that state of mind and body and how to apply it to the time of our death?

2. Being in action for 24/7

Tibetan Buddhism utilizes the time of dream and sleep, in addition to the time we are awake, in order to optimize their practice. I hear that top-notch professionals and experts (e.g. musicians, athletes, dancers) spend in average 7 hours per day in practicing their skills. My instrument is neither a piano, a violin, nor a tennis racket. It’s my mind and body and its relationship. I want to excel at being connected to the consciousness and body all the time and expand the capacity. Why not practicing 24/7 as there is a method already!

3.  Sleep is the most stormy time

The more calm, aware, and alerted I became able to stay during day time owing to my practice of meditation, yoga, and intellectual and spiritual journeys, I noticed that I felt most exhausted right after sleep, that is, when I woke up in the morning. My karmic traits; fear, anxiety, concerns, anger, past memories, unconscious influences from internal and external worlds, innate body functions, etc. were unharnessed. The purification and detoxication happened during sleep, though it was nothing like nightmare or anything. More like a lot of hard core exercise done, my body sensed. My ability of being meditative and mindful was all gone during sleep, because I was asleep! How could I maintain it? In general, it’s considered to be impossible. But, hey! Tibetan Buddhism has developed a way of advancing dreaming and sleeping time.

Last year, finally, a serene pond of inner peace was discovered within myself. I know how to get there, as long as I’m awake and conscious. How wonderful it would be to take a a walk there while I sleep as well. I’m determined to become, “I’m asleep and yet conscious.”

 

 

 

 

Passion

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I’m not paid for institutional or organizational purposes that make sense within the current socio-economic systems.

Money is bestowed to me for existential purposes by people who see the similar world in front of us.

Spent one year exploring a totally new field, I clearly know to what I want to devote my time and space. I will pour my heart into an endeavor to find out what human consciousness is and what capacity it has in relation to the body. I will elucidate what influences would be made on our society and relationships by expanding capacity of human mind. I practice widening the horizon of consciousness through staying awake in a dream and a day. I continue to breathe in and out with awareness. I let go off what’s happening that shifts immediately into the past and stay alerted to the presence. I cherish peace and silence within me without leaning to the others or objects. I’ve attained a peak of contentment and happiness as Naho Iguchi, whose life reaches 34 years.  From now on, I will even more vigorously dedicate my spirit to the process and shape my daily life around that. This is my passion.

I strive to reveal a new form, or “unform,” of art so as to make one’s life, one’s existence, one’s presence a piece of art, because I have a question to the world, can we stay alive, can we be a part of the complexity of the planet and universe, without claiming what our visions are for the future and what we intend to accomplish, without presenting how valuable ideas we have and what meaningful actions we take,  without proving what talents, power, and competencies we have, without justifying why we are who we are.

I hope to be simply alive. I am life. Fulfillment for dying. Everything ceases at the end.

How can I make a breathe, a glance, a stride of my feet, always connected to my artistic crystallization (I don’t use the word, expression because I’m no longer sure if “expressing thoughts and feelings” is the right word to me”) ? How can I be art? Crystallization is a chemical reaction in which a solution or gas becomes a solid crystal. A paradox is that I honestly want to keep a solution or gas as it is, while “art” asks me (and every artist)  to deliver something crystalized, visible, sensible, tangible, and meaningful.

I still have fear and anxiety for money (= the near future) and the way of sustaining my life. The fear doesn’t go away completely. I have no clue how my art-life in Berlin will go.  At the end, however, I don’t know if the fear stems from anxiety for running out of the financial source or not. Am I afraid of the shortage of money? What is it really? I’m very sad when I imagine a situation where my life in Berlin suddenly ends. I have love for the city. I’m building affection and attachment to my living in Berlin. I’m cultivating new soil to be rooted here. Vibration that the city has matches my life phase, what my body and heart want in order to spend each and every moment in happiness, tranquility, and awe for the world. But, this will end sooner or later. Everything ceases eventually. Materials are to be worn down. Occurrences are to begin and end. Am I afraid of losing my life here? No, I’m not but simply sad. It’s truly sad to lose something or someone you are fond of and intensely connected to. Regardless of my feelings, however, things happen. I would be ok when I lose my life here, as long as I stay alive, or I have life. Sadness will be appeased. Most importantly, I’m not losing it  now but perfectly in it!

I’m determined to pursue this journey, following my passion. The path will unfold by itself. The fear and anxiety for my future money and future sustainable life can get in a way and makes me blind and deaf for a few minutes, but they are at last passers-by. I will keep a trial and error of circulating energy with my beloved people and make my life art.

When sin becomes pride

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I’m proud of how you were dying.

The way you stumbled. 

The way you faltered.

The way you lost your wings.

The way you fought back.

They way you struggled.

Regret melted away.

Suffering got swept aside.

Sin becomes pride.