The new land

I used to think that no sound should echo to avoid imbalance in silence.
I used to imagine that peace had no scars of resentment and misery but would be filled only with brilliant light.

In reality, however, dark clammy shades of coiled despair and desires are blended with a ray of delicate sunlight shedding in-between space of tender petals of Ranunculus.
Like the Yin-Yan symbol, the completely opposite colors melt into each other. Harmony, instead of eradication.

A frequency of pains which I’ve devastatingly tried to tune out synchronizes with that of peace.
I enter into a place I’ve ever wished for. I’m becoming who I’ve envisioned.
Though it is beyond my anticipation, I know this is it upon the first step into the land.

Sadness never disappears even if it appears to be cured. The same volume of anguish as it was before swallows me.
But, it isn’t as heavy as before. I’m sad, yet it no longer belongs to the same pains. I cry from the new land.

space in-between


When I sense the center core (or the central channel), it feels not like the straight blue line paralleled with the spine. It is like a tiny narrow space in-between fragile pink petals of a captivating rose which is just about blooming.


A big lazy cat curls up on a pathless land.


 A friend of mine said to me, “you’re creating a path, instead of following a path.” and suggested Kurishnamurti to paraphrase my living art in Berlin. I hadn’t paid attention to Kurishnamurti before. After reading this I do see similarities to his world view.

A belief is purely an individual matter, and you cannot and must not organize it. If you do, it becomes dead, crystallized; it becomes a creed, a sect, a religion, to be imposed on others.

Especially I agree with the wording he chose in bold: it becomes dead, crystalized.

At this stage, there are only a few things that I earnestly want to learn. Achievement, crystallization, and results per se no longer interest me. I don’t have a desire for producing outcomes to the society, curving a trace of my existence into a history, and creating new values. Many people expect and egg me. But my heart is somewhere else.  I’m becoming a lazy big cat.

After living in Berlin as a social experiment, some say to me, it’s time for you to crystalize, generate something. However, it doesn’t resonate to me. Truth is a pathless land. What an intriguing message Kurishnamurti left! A pathless land would be an equivalent of emptiness, Ku (空), in Buddhism terminology. Ku means the sky and space.

During meditation a few days ago, the axis within me shifted. I could be grounded on the center core deeper and stronger than ever. I used to concentrate on healing and removing pains. My whole life at that time had been dependent on the pains that possessed my left side body. After a while, I realized that a persistent never-ending attempt to completely heal pains didn’t make sense. Awareness of the pains yielded pains. They never disappeared. They harrowed me again and again. I began practicing to avert my awareness/attention from the pains. It’s been an incredibly slow progress. One day I felt “I could remove my consciousness from the pains!” Another day, they madly preoccupied me. It’s still more or less like that now. Nonetheless, I’m finding the firmness and stability very strongly. The pains reside here as always. But, electro currents running through my left body don’t bother my meditative state. I can rest on something but the pains.

It’s not about eliminating the pains. Life is to keep connected to inner peace no matter what and where, even on a road to death. That’s why I’m doing Dream Yoga. Not vibrations of pains but vibrations of bliss are slowly taking over me.

These days, I feel that time doesn’t belong to me. No “my life.” No “my time.” Anybody else doesn’t own time either. Time is like air and water. Time and space is everywhere. It penetrates us. Suppose this is neither my life nor anybody’s, what possibilities lay here? What choice could (my) consciousness take?

When you’re becoming fully present from a moment to a moment, you may at times become very subtle and least active, because you’re so satisfied with the world where you live and what you have done that you have few desires, no interest in future plans, goals and achievements, and the other people’s recognition. You feel stunningly touched and mesmerized just by walking on a street and sitting by the window looking at dance of fallen leaves with a wind in-between fresh green leaves and their black shadow cast on the ground. You live for weeks and months in that way, waking up, eating, walking, cooking, eating, going to bathroom, enjoying what comes into a day, and sleeping.This condition is seen to be no motivation, no energy, no ambition, no good social engagement and contribution, no significance. No attachment to outcomes, laissez-faire, appears to be at best resignation, or simply useless and lazy. I have no clue about purpose and significance of the lazy cat.

Lately, the new word is added to my lexicon: the universe. “I’m connected to the universe, goddesses, and dakinis.” I deliberately didn’t say it since it was such a misleading cliche, sounded toucy-feely new-agie, hippy-ish. Yet, I now know what it is from the gut. The universe is neither the God nor the horoscope. It’s like emptiness, and probably a pathless land.

If it is as it is, then.


Sayonara. Good bye. Auf Wiedersehen.

Initially I chose not to say “sayonara,” which means “so long good bye.” Instead, I rephrased to “Auf Wiedersehen.” It’s tenderer because it explicitly premises the next chance. At least it contains your wish to have another one. Or your world stays to the extend where the possibility still exists (regardless of “the fact”.) Au revoir and 再見 as well. Goodbye and adiós connote religious values.

Sayonara comes from a completely different angle compared to those above. Literally, sayonara originally/formally writes “sayou nara,” which means “if it is as it is, then.” You don’t sentimentally wish for another chance, but accept as is and depart.

At the end, sayonara was the right word.

Sensuality -導入-


年齢、民族、言葉、セクシャルオリエンテーション、、、様々な境界を越えて魅力的と思われる人の笑顔や仕草は 芳しく、何気ない一言にハッとさせら、つい聞き惚れたり見惚れてしまいます。そこには色気が漂います。その雰囲気は一体どこから来るのでしょうか。

魅力の構成要素を挙げれば切りがありませんが、「自分の欲望を熟知し、表現できる人」から魅力が溢れ出しているように感じます。これは性的な意味に限ったことではなく、仕事においては追求すべきミッションを持っていることであり、夢に向かって進む輝く無謀さであり、 送りたい暮らし方を得るために政治へ意見を表明できることです。 家族においてはどんな夫婦関係、親子関係 を結びたいかを思い描き、行動に移していることです。恋人にベッドの上でどんな風に愛撫して欲しいか色っぽく伝えられることでもあります。でも、欲しいものをスト レートに表現することは容易ではありません。エゴを剥き出しにすれば周りを傷つけ、 自分が後悔します。嫌われるのが不安で本心を出すのを躊躇すれば、欲求は陰に潜んでしまいます。

他者へ丁寧に意識を傾けながら、自分の欲求に忠実でいるためには、理屈や感情に引きずられた「あれが欲しい」「これが必要」ではなく、生をまっとうするために本当に必要なものを捉える感覚(senses)を育てなくてはなりません。周りに対する思慮や、物事を分別する良心(sensibility)を磨かないといけません。満たされない気持ちや虚栄心を埋めるためのwantsではなく、社会が決めたwantsでもなく、わたしとして存在するためのピュアで野性なwantsを感じる力。生れてから現在までの時間の積み重ねによって できた「今のわたし」を素直に表現すること。痛みや恥じらいも含めて偽りがないこと。これを私は ”Sensuality” と呼んでいます。

Sensualityを研ぎすます=この体、この脳みそ、この心、この魂をまるっと引き受けるために、「わたしは何者か」を探求し、複雑に絡み合った糸を解いていきま す。自分の嫌いな部分や隠したい部分にぶつかります。見て見ぬ振りをするのではなく、その時に浮かび上がる情景や、沸き起こる感覚・感情と向き合い、享受し尽くします。すると不思議なくらい、それまでは言葉にすることは愚か、認めることすらできなかった弱さについて、さらりと話せてしまったりするんです。人間が持つあらゆる感覚を鋭敏にして、真に表現すべき欲求を抽出していくプロセスは、一枚一枚体を覆っていたベールを脱いでまっさらになっていくことです。裸に近づけば 近づくほど、わたしが露になり、sensualになります。そしてやがて、わたしというアイデンティティはなくなるのです。









it is only certain, death awaits me.

when I chew this certainty,

the texture of life turns into a dream.

like mountains reflected on a mirror-like pond.

the more lucid a dream gets, the more lucid the reality gets.

the boundary becomes blur.

like a misty moon at night before a rain at dawn.


duzen oder siezen?




ドイツ語にも敬語的なものがあります。フランス語にもあります。「あなた、君」を指す Sie/du (D), Vous/tu (F) を使い分けます。主格名詞によって動詞は変化するから、敬語と親しい間柄の言葉で動詞の形が変わります。

どんな状況でどんな相手にSieを使うべきか、duでいいのかの判断力はコミュニケーション上、重要です。でも「duzen でいこう。」と合意すればswitchは割と簡単。なぜなら主語をduに変えれば動詞は自動的にduの活用に倣うから。


TEDxTokyo yzコミュニティでは、ある組織文化を醸成するために、年齢、社会的立場、知り合った年月の長さに関わらずファーストネームで呼び合うというグラウンドルールを創設当時からやっています。これは狙いが当たったというか予想以上の効果で、生み出したかった文化を育くむのに大きな役割を果たしています。単純に言うと、日本語文化圏にはないプロトコルを日本語コミュニケーション内に導入しました。